Sydney, AU – In an effort to scrub away their tarnished reputation post-banking royal commission, employees at one of Australia’s top banks have traded their sprawling offices for smaller, more “down-to-earth” digs. The move was meant to signal a fresh start, but just a month into their new space, the office is making headlines again - this time for a far stinkier reason.
The executive suite’s single, solitary toilet has been clogged a staggering four times already.
“I’m not going to name names,” said Ted, a senior banker and veteran of boardroom battles, “but whoever’s doing this needs serious help. I mean, they’re in there twice a day for 20 minutes. It’s horrifying.”
Ted’s words come on the heels of yet another heroic effort by the office cleaners, who have been forced to improvise after burning through two plungers. Their new weapon of choice? A broomstick with a suction cup taped to the end.
“It’s not ideal,” one cleaner admitted, visibly traumatised. “But you do what you have to do in a war zone.”
The office water cooler has been buzzing with theories. While many point fingers at James, a staffer with a suspicious post-lunch routine, he’s not taking the accusations lightly.
“Maybe it isn’t one person’s fault,” James insisted. “Maybe it’s just a crook toilet. Did anyone think of that? Or is this a witch hunt?”
James went on to suggest that management might want to “invest in better plumbing instead of trying to gaslight employees.”
Faced with mounting pressure (both literally and figuratively), management has begun brainstorming solutions. Ideas include:
“These are early-stage ideas,” a company spokesperson clarified. “But we need a solution that balances employee needs with operational efficiency.”
The real victims here are, of course, the office cleaners. Armed with their makeshift broomstick plunger, they’ve been battling the clogged toilet daily with the grit and determination of Olympic athletes.
“When we signed up to clean, we didn’t think we’d be plumbing too,” one cleaner said. “This is above and beyond the call of duty. Honestly, we deserve hazard pay.”
Their plight has not gone unnoticed. Ted has taken to leaving motivational sticky notes on the cleaner’s supply cart, reading things like: “You’re the real MVP” and “Don’t let the toilet break your spirit.”
While the clogged toilet saga has sparked plenty of laughs (and groans), it also highlights a broader issue: the importance of investing in workplace infrastructure.
“Ironically, this toilet is a metaphor for the bank,” said one junior analyst. “Under enormous pressure, and no one wants to admit they’re part of the problem.”
As the saga unfolds, employees remain divided on the best course of action. Some advocate for a “No Judgement Bathroom Log” to track usage, while others are petitioning for an industrial-grade toilet capable of handling the office’s, uh, demands.
Until then, the executive suite toilet remains the ultimate battleground, with more updates sure to follow.
If this story has taught us anything, it’s that no office, no matter how “downsized” or “image-conscious”, is immune to the humble toilet drama. But hey, if the bank can navigate a royal commission, surely they can handle a clogged loo.
Stay tuned for more on this breaking story. In the meantime, maybe avoid the executive bathroom altogether. You’ve been warned.