Brisbane, AU – Birthdays are meant to be a celebration, but for John Wilson, senior partner at a Brisbane family law firm, this year’s festivities feel more like a punishment.
“It’s my birthday,” Wilson sighed, “but this piss-up feels like more of a punishment than a gift. I can make awkward small talk and dad jokes with these people any day... why do I have to waste my birthday doing it too?”
The firm’s party planning committee, led by Meryl from accounting, settled on an 80s theme for the event. “We wanted something original but simple,” said Meryl. “Everyone has some 80s gear lying around, right?”
But the inspiration for the theme was more personal than Wilson expected. “I noticed John plays a lot of Aerosmith and Journey when he’s working,” Meryl explained. “So we thought, why not throw an 80s bash? Oh, and the entire accounting department is dressing up as his favourite artist, Prince! I think he’ll love it!”
Spoiler: He did not love it.
When Wilson arrived at his own party, he was greeted by a sea of sequins, purple suits, and meticulously styled wigs. “The entire accounting department was dressed as Prince,” Wilson grumbled. “So now I can officially say I spent my 52nd birthday standing around with a group of Princes arguing whether ‘Purple Rain’ or ‘Raspberry Beret’ is better to work out to.”
For the record, no consensus was reached.
Office birthday parties have a long history of being more awkward than enjoyable, and Wilson’s bash was no exception. Between forced conversations over neon cocktails and a cringe-worthy rendition of “Happy Birthday” performed on a keytar, the night left much to be desired.
And as if the party itself wasn’t enough of a hassle, Wilson was left with yet another headache: extra office cleaning. “Now I’ve got to arrange for a professional cleaning crew to deal with all the glitter, confetti, and… whatever that sticky stuff is in the carpet. Fantastic.”
Office birthday parties often walk the fine line between thoughtful and torturous. While the intention is to celebrate, the execution often leaves people, especially the birthday honouree, wondering, “Was this really necessary?”
Wilson summed it up perfectly: “Look, I appreciate the effort, but next year? Let’s just stick to a cake, a card, and maybe a quiet pat on the back. No wigs. No glitter. Definitely no keytar.”
If you’re planning an office party, take a moment to consider the honouree’s preferences. Do they love big celebrations? Great, go all out! Are they a bit more low-key? Maybe skip the costume theme and opt for something simple.
And if you’re the party planning committee, remember this: not every celebration needs to include sequins and themed playlists.
For those brave enough to continue the tradition of workplace festivities, maybe hire a professional cleaning service ahead of time. As Wilson learned the hard way, cleaning up after a group of Princes is no small task.