I've been dealing with grief for the past few weeks, and I now know I'll be dealing with this grief for the rest of my life.
Losing someone you love is, without a doubt, the hardest thing you can go through. Three weeks ago, I lost the most important influence in my life - my amazing mother, Lynette Stark. It was sudden, and we were incredibly close. Since then, it’s been like riding a rollercoaster out of control - you just hang on.
Fortunately, when faced with this new reality, many of us have close friends and family who step up. They call, bring meals, fill your home with flowers and cards, attend the funeral, and offer unwavering support. It helps to have that safety net in those first few days and weeks.
But then, reality sets in - you have to go back to work.
March 20, 2017
What happens then? How do you navigate grief in a workplace where you may not have deep personal connections? How do colleagues support someone who is grieving? Today, I want to share the Do’s and Don’ts of supporting a grieving co-worker.
When you first hear the sad news, don’t hesitate - just call. It may feel awkward, but the person will appreciate that you took the time to check in. A phone call shows real care and effort, while a text (although thoughtful) can sometimes feel impersonal.
Condolence messages with exclamation marks can feel jarring.
For example:
“Just heard about your mum! Hope you’re okay!”
Even if well-intended, it can come across as tone-deaf. The best approach? Keep it simple and heartfelt.
There’s nothing lovelier than receiving a thoughtful card, flowers, or even a meal during times of loss. I used to wonder if sending flowers was worth it, thinking, “They’ll get so many, and they’ll all be dead in a week anyway.” But I’ve learned that it’s the thought that counts.
If you’re sending flowers, consider a pre-arranged bouquet in a vase. If you want to do something extra helpful, a home-cooked meal or an invite for a casual dinner can be a great comfort.
No one has the perfect words for grief, and that’s okay. The best thing you can do? Just be there and listen. A simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss” goes a long way. If you knew their loved one, sharing a memory can bring unexpected comfort.
Ignoring the situation can make things worse. If someone in your office has lost a loved one, acknowledge it. A simple “How are you doing?” shows that you care.
If you work closely with someone, attending the funeral (if appropriate) can be a powerful way to show support. Even if you never met the person who passed, your presence will be noticed and appreciated.
If you haven’t reached out before their return, now’s the time to make up for it.
Here’s what NOT to do when they walk back into the office:
❌ Say “hi” like it’s just another day (it’s not).
❌ Avoid acknowledging their loss because it makes you uncomfortable.
❌ Fail to check in at least once.
❌ Change the subject quickly if they bring up their grief.
❌ Make them feel guilty for time off.
Instead, be warm, acknowledge their loss, and offer support. If they want work to be a distraction, respect that. If they need time, make it clear that it’s okay to take it. Small gestures - like inviting them for coffee or checking in for a casual chat - can make all the difference.
Grief is a lifelong journey, but it becomes easier when you’re surrounded by compassionate, understanding people - including colleagues. Supporting a grieving co-worker isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about being present, showing kindness, and making the transition back to work a little bit easier.
In the workplace, where professionalism often overshadows personal struggles, let’s remember that we’re all human first. A business with a heart is a business that thrives.
If someone in your office is dealing with grief, I hope these suggestions help you support them in the way they need most. It will mean the world to them - and you’ll feel better knowing you made a difference.